Vulnerable
This is the time of year when human beings are the most vulnerable. The shortened days, the severe cold weather, the bugs that circulate as you mingle with others. I feel as if nothing offers me any security or consolation. This is the season to let go and let God.
I have ordered a couple of books online and both seemed to be extraordinarily unhelpful. You can have a lovely book cover with nothing inside that speaks to you. The truth is rarely contained within anything but the soul and the soul is shivering now. Quivering with longing and fear of failure. Running out of answers, it turns to food. And food never fills the bill.
Inside the house I pace around. A tiger in its cage. A human being with no answers. The silence pounds against me as I try to find answers. They have disappeared like the sun.
More cold wet weather is on the way. My brother emails that he is not doing very well after his open heart surgery. I am helpless in that, too. Loved ones are frail and nothing withstands everything. My heart is restless in the rib cage.
We are all in this human dilemma together. Does Donald Trump’s bravado mean anything? No, indeed. Human bravado is always a false front. But Hillary has no answers either. I am and never have been a political animal. But times are hard and the stock market is falling and our country is under siege.
What do you do when answers are not forthcoming for healing people or nations? You wring your hands and lie in bed wide awake. You remember better times and tears fall onto the pillow. Childhood seems like something you would like to return to, but that is not an option.
I write almost daily, pound out essays not written by me but by higher hands. But sometimes January just proves to be too much. At times like these, we tie a knot and hang on. It is just at times like these that bromides do no good and the truth of impermanence looms large. May we all find shelter in the arms of love, even if it is just our own lonely pair of hands clasped to our breasts.
Kindness to oneself is harder to come by now, but self-care and self-kindness never hurt anyone. Then if we succeed in being gentle with ourselves, we can move on to being gentle to others. I will wind this up now and go watch a sitcom. Laughter helps to offset the very real sorrow in this world. Smiles are even better. So take care of yourself. You deserve it.
Love,
Vicki
This time of year is ruff on all of us, well for those of us who experience winter with snow and cold temperedness to be sure. I recall Richard Rose talking of nurturing his farm animals through the worst of it for they suffered to the point of death and he did all that he could to comfort them so they could live on. He was a powerful man but the cold I’m sure challenged him too, then spring arrived and the majority had made it they were still alive. Then an odd thing seeing that the worst was over many died anyway, a lesson that for some reason I remember . I asked him why then since it was warming the winter had been beaten. He looked at me then said I don’t know I guess it was their time to die. I too have been pulled down by the season but I trust things will get better that is the hope that we have for our nation ourselves and our friends. Love Gary
Interesting parable. Thank you.
Yes, I am trying to be kind to myself. I actually bought a coloring book and crayons. A good book is always a blessing…or a good movie. (I llast watched Immortal Beloved about Beethoven for the second time. A movie worth seeing.) My journal. Trying to think of something for dinner I would enjoy. A good cup of coffee. We have had a particularly cold spell here. Love to you.