The Work, esoteric Christianity, is what sustains me as I plod along the darkened corridor of winter. There is so little light, either outwardly or inwardly. I wash my hair and it refuses to do anything but stand on end when it is dry. Everything is chapped and nothing tempts me to action. I am a slug stuck in neutral.

But I pick up a volume of Nicoll’s Commentaries in hopes of lifting myself above the doldrums of my consciousness. Always, always I read the same thing. Wake up. See yourself as you actually are. And that is the tonic that I need.

No need to fight back against the enemy, which is always within. No cause to dwell on what is owed you or what you owe others. As Vernon Howard said, all we owe others is our own awakening. Until then we are quite useless.

The game is rigged; the house always wins. So it is safe to walk away from the tyranny of ambition. Let others steal your thunder. Let them be crowned with laurels while you eat crow. Everything is possible for the surrendered man or woman.

So does this esoteric knowledge help? It only helps the surrendered parts of yourself. Call them together and see if they are amenable to lying down and playing dead, at least for a day. Maybe that will give you a chance to reorganize your life into something worth living.

No, you can’t organize it, but something higher now has a chance to step in and work miracles not in your name but in His. You can’t win over the world and you don’t have to win over God. The trap has sprung shut. Lie there and see who your true rescuer is.

Vicki Woodyard