Nothing is ever resolved in the life of the ego. It is just one damned thing after another. I don’t care how many ebullient young teachers are yelling at me to be joyful, it ain’t gonna work.

Joy and sorrow are deeply intertwined for a reason; we live on the plane of the opposites. You take what you want and pay for it. God is not involved at all on this level. He is way above the drama unfolding daily on planet earth.

As fate would have it, I drew a card that said, “You will meet a tough teacher.” And Vernon Howard proceeded to rip my inner life to shreds and I loved every minute of it. He was a master at unmasking the ego and making a soul.

He was ravaged by cancer, as was his secretary, to whom I was deeply connected. After she passed, I remember thinking that she would not be back. She, who had modeled humility for me, was utterly gone and I was alone.

After my husband died, I was even more deeply alone. Joy is not something I put much stock in. Joy and pain entwined, yes. I know that. I know that.

Give me honesty any day if I have the choice between it and earthly joy. Give me a teacher that gets the job done; not some young person that has not been tried in the fire and come out made of pure love.

This is a tough place to raise kids, this planet. All of the platitudes on earth will not help anyone grow an inch. Facebook is eerily unreal with all of its beautiful photos and glorious posts. Yet people continue to sicken on fake food, come what may. Only the real will do for some of us.

I stand alone and that is how God wants it. Every one goes alone to the Alone. It is not an easy trip. Tests at every turn. But the law is to be risen above; the triumph happens when people are sleeping. It is then that the stone is rolled away. The mystery remains intact. Amen and so be it.

Vicki Woodyard