Today I didn’t leave the house except to fetch the paper from the drive. That is becoming an obsolete thing to do. I am only getting it twice a week now. It’s thinner and so am I.
My husband died on this date 11 years ago, so this will be my 12th Christmas without him. Going on alone is not an option. One does it the best one can. From the get-go, I knew the universe would not notice his absence, for that is the nature of the impersonal. But I sure did and still do.
My mother used to say after she was widowed, “I don’t come first with anyone now.” And I find there is nothing wrong with that. It is just the nature of things. My son does the best he can by me and I keep it simple.
So in what ways did I nurture myself today? Hmmmm. I washed my hair and got dressed. Ate breakfast and lunch and dinner. Mostly spent the day in silence. Ironed a few things. Listened to Christmas music. My kind of a day.
I hear it is going to be in the seventies on Christmas Eve and Christmas day, probably with rain. That’s okay. The tears I shed these days are not desperate but calm and appropriate. Bob and I would have celebrated our 50th anniversary this Dec. He is proud of me. Notice I didn’t say “would be.” There is only “is.”
So have yourself the kind of Christmas you wish to have. I have not even put up a token tree. I am just not into that. But the words unspool like Christmas ribbon and I offer them to you as a prayer. Slow down. You don’t have worlds of time with the ones you love. Start with loving yourself and then your life will at least reflect peace. That’s a pretty good thing to do.
Vicki Woodyard
Twelve years…wow. You are moving right along. I got a credit card for Christmas shopping because Louie can’t work until his knees heal. Guess what I did? I bought myself two pairs of pajamas, a pair of jeans which actually fit me and 3 sweaters. Haha I never buy things for me. I am learning as you are to take really good care of me. You have been an awesome example for me. I remain incredibly grateful for you, my dearest Vicki! Much Love, Peace and yes, Merry Christmas. My hope and prayer for us is that the Christ Child takes over both of our hearts this Christmas permanently. ♥♥♥
Yes, caregivers are the unsung heros and heroines for sure. Before Bob got sick, I was like you as far as spending money on myself.
Now I enjoy it, but I never take it too far. The little things, the inexpensive tops from T. J. Maxx and Marshall’s. It is a form of
indulgence. Yet I don’t go to movies or out to eat often, so home is where I wear most things.