The word “now” needs to be replaced with the word “today.”
Why? Because it sounds like “ta dah!”
Like if Oprah said it, “Today is ta day!” in her most Opra-istic voice.
Now has become a generic term for people who consider themselves
to be enlightened.
I am just frightened of the enlightened.
They live in the now and are one with everything.
How in hell can you pick any of them out of a crowd?
Where is Waldo could apply to enlightened people
since they are one with everything.
At least they don’t have stories.
I hate stories.
Those things with beginnings, middles and ends.
Gives me the bends.
I like living today.
It is always today.
It is never now and then today. It is totally today.
I am starting a new form of enlightenment that
we can ALL enjoy.
I am giving coupons so let me know if you are in.
I will be giving BOGOS.
Buy one today, get one free.
My todays cost an arm and a leg, though.
However, they are considerably cheaper
than attending some of these enlightenment
intensives where people look at you
knowingly and charge you obscene prices
for it.
Let me know.
I am not on Facebook today.
It is for people with a book in front
of their face only they call it a
phone or a tablet or a…….
gotta go, today is calling.
And then I have to invent the outernet
before Gore beats me to it.

Vicki Woodyard